05 December 2008

I Think I'll Start Carrying Scooby Snacks

My Christmas shopping is all but done.

As of yesterday, I had one present left to buy (one left to make, but that's another story for another time) and I went into the town centre to get it.

The gift I was purchasing was for my nephew and he likes stuff from a particular shop, a shop that I don't particularly like. It's not the goods, it's the weird vibe I've gotten whenever I've been in there - something strange about the woman behind the counter, something I could never put my finger on.

Until yesterday.

She's married to a nutter.

After purchasing said gift, in an effort to extricate myself from the verbal clutches of the guy who owns the shop, I kept moving slowly towards the front door, desperately hoping he'd get the message that I desperately wished to leave.

He did not.

Or rather he did, but he couldn't let me leave.

He had something to tell me. I could see it all over his face.

In the middle of a different subject, he couldn't hold it in any longer and finally blurted out, "I had a black girlfriend."

[Me: uncomfortable silence]

He added, "You know, before I married his mother (indicating to his equally verbose son)." Then, "I used to help plait her hair."

What the fuck?! How do you respond to that? What did he want, a friggin' cookie?!

What I wanted to say that I was, "Good for YOU, honey!" or "On behalf of all Black women all over the world, let me say thank you for stopping at that one." But mostly I wanted to say, "If you touch me or my hair, you'll take back a nub."

Instead I said, "Mmm. Well, I gotta go."

If only I'd know it was coming, I'd have put a treat in my pocket for him before I left the house.

Maybe I should start carrying them around, you know, just in case.

6 comments:

Marce (BrownBerry) said...

This had me cracking up!! (And this early in the morning, that is saying something)

I'm with you - W.T.F?

I've been there though, and can fully appreciate your level of horror. Scooby Snacks - how perfect would that be?

C. said...

Good Grief!

That would be especially funny if you were black!

Er...uh...nevermind.

Viknits said...

Ahhh that's hilarious! So random, well what can you do, there's nowt as queer as folk! xx

Viknits said...

P.S. I've had similar with being fat (I used to be even fatter!).. you just think what the f*** am I supposed to say now??!

Adam C said...

That is one of the funniest things I've read this year, I'm currently rolling around on the floor laughing whilst I'm sending you this. What a random thing to say, probably needs to get out more...
Happy new year btw much love Adam xxx

TiggerLarue said...

Good grief! I don't even know what else to say. Funny story. Can't wait to see what little gem he comes up with next time.